To all the Mothers that came before me, the one’s on this journey along side me & all the mothers yet-to-be, here’s my story
Sitting here on the morning of my 32nd birthday, about to celebrate my first ever Mother’s day, I thought I’d take a moment (or more like an hour) to reminisce about my journey here. Writing it all down is important because I never want to forget a single moment of all this.
It was early on a Tuesday morning, I had a tattoo appointment set up that afternoon with my siblings, before my little brother was going to make a big move down to Jacksonville. We were just two months into our pregnancy journey so I decided to take a test, just in case. Then, I got the biggest surprise of my life when I looked down and saw a +. I quickly took a second test, because you never quite believe your first ever positive pregnancy test.
Patrick had just left for work and I could’t hit his contact on my phone fast enough. I am jealous of all the mama’s who can wait and reveal their pregnancy to their fella’s in a cute surprise way, but I literally couldn’t keep it in for 30 seconds! The timing was perfect, because we were heading to Rhode Island that weekend for a friends wedding. It was hard to keep the secret but we were thankful for the opportunity to dress up and celebrate together.
They say, you’re not supposed to tell people the good news until the second trimester, but we couldn’t help ourselves. We told all our close family and friends pretty much the same day and after I secretly told all my fall brides, we announced our news with everyone.
I really did love everything about being pregnant. Baby H was so kind, no morning sickness, no swelling, and stayed quite content while I was working through the HOTTEST summer of my life at, count them, 31 weddings! I enjoyed watching my belly grow, I loved everyone at Target stopping me to ask about Baby H & I miss how healthy I ate without even thinking about it. Every new phase of pregnancy was thrilling. Every Saturday morning, when we entered the next week of pregnancy, I checked all my apps before getting out of bed. It’s amazing at how quickly things progressed, we loved to see what new organs were developing or skill Baby H was working on.
At this stage he was “Baby H” because we waited until the big reveal to find out the gender. I always knew I wanted to wait for delivery but Patrick took a little bit of convincing. The excitement of not knowing kept me going in the final weeks of pregnancy when, like every pregnant woman, I was just over it. The constant bathroom trips, not being able to tie my own shoes, the faint stretch marks that finally decided to pop up at week 36 (you bastards!), knowing that any day we’d get to find out if we were having a sweet girl or boy kept up my momentum.
The Final Countdown (Labor)
I’m not going to lie, I was OBSESSED with labor in the last month of pregnancy. I am pretty sure I watched every single labor video on youtube. I would often find myself up at 3am laying in bed (alone, because my snoring got so bad my husband had to sleep in the guest room or down stairs on particularly bad nights haha) watching birth stories posted by all the brave mama’s. I asked every single woman I knew about their birth story, I seriously wanted to hear every little detail. Obsessed!
In the last months of pregnancy I was scheduled for regular ultrasounds because Baby H was, as our doctor put it, “the H word”… HUGE. At week 39 I went in for one final ultrasound where it was official… Baby H was measuring 10lbs! At this point, they had to offer us a cesarean and were making a pretty hard sell.
When you’re faced your first important decision that not only affects you, but your baby, things get real. I cried the whole way home, I cried almost all night and I cried the next day. I read every article I could find on the risks of shoulder dystocia, I looked at the stats & every other moment I flip flopped on my decision. I really wanted a natural birth, I felt as though I had come this far and wanted nothing more than to experience it. But, the thought that my selfishness could potentially risk the health of our baby flipped my thinking. It wasn’t certainly not an easy few days.
Two days went by and I still hadn’t made a final decision, but was called into our doctors office for a non-stress test to check on everything. It was there, on our 10 year dating anniversary, our doctor decided it was time & we started our induction!
Laying in the hospital bed felt surreal. I was flooded with overwhelming excitement and I was ready. Labor really started around 7am on February 11th, to my surprise there was a lot more waiting around than I expected. Even after all my research on youtube, I thought things would be a little more chaotic than they were.
Maybe it was me, my calm as a cucumber husband, our amazing nursing staff or Baby H, but whatever it was making the whole thing zen-like, I really appreciated it!
It’s a Boy (Delivery)
Eleven hour & 18 pushes later, he was here!
My husband got to announce the gender but could barely get out a word out after before the tears were flowing. There were many things I remember so vividly about the moment Myles was born. The feeling of his skin on mine, the sound of his little cries, and the absolute peace I felt with Patrick’s head rested on mine as we look down at our son. That moment was everything.
I then remember the nurses and their exclamations “He’s HUGE! Oh My God! Look at that hair!” he was the talk of the delivery floor. Myles Patrick made his way into this world at 10lbs 3oz, 22 inches long with a full head of hair, he was something else!
Life as a New Mom
The euphoria of labor & meeting our little guy lasted the entire time in the hospital, the car ride home, and even the first few days at home. Everything he did was miraculous and I felt like I had conquered the world.
Then came the crashing hormones and the realization that we actually had a baby. That every moment from here on out was going to be focused on some else and that it was our responsibility to keep this tiny human alive. To any new mom, this is a scary time. Your life changes so drastically no matter how much you prepare for it. You have no idea what recovery is going to be like, what caring for a newborn is going to be like and how you’re going to make it all work. There were plenty of tears, constant calls to my sister & mother for reassurance and late night questions posted on new mom-blogs I found myself a part of. I questioned everything I was doing and constantly compared myself to others, which is exactly what you’re not supposed to do. I worried about keeping my living room picked up for guests that stopped by, about having a good enough supply to keep him fed, about making sure he was always in a cute outfit, basically everything that wasn’t something to worry about. In the first few days & weeks I worried about it all.
Then, somehow, days turned into weeks and weeks into months and those worries faded away. We got into a routine, figured each other out & life got back to the new normal. We started taking walks outside on nice days, we were able to venture out to the store once or twice, then before you know it we were like a well oiled machine. Feedings, naps, and playtime began to become routines, I knew when I’d have some time to myself and when he was going to need me. Before we knew it, he was 9 weeks and our rockstar baby was sleeping through the night. There are still hard days, but they are fewer and fewer, as I settled into mom life.
I’ll spend more time talking about this little love on his birthday, if I can stop crying long enough. But for now I am lucky every day I get to spend with my little Myles. Watching his personality develop and his motor skills evolve is mind blowing. It is the greatest gift of my life, this healthy, happy, beautiful baby and I am so grateful.